Missing Phone

April 13, 2010

I didn’t even leave my house the other day with my phone and its missing! People ask the dumbest questions when you tell them that you’ve lost something. Im not going to get into the cliche questions and we all know what those questions are. For some reason I find myself looking in the oddest of places. A few hours ago I double checked my toilets in my house. DOUBLE CHECKED!!! what the fuck was I checking my toilet bowls for to begin with?! My fridge came up empty and all 4 garbage cans outside turned up nothing. I checked all my hoodies and jackets like as if I had some kind of mediocre dressing fashion show at my house with my dog. My mom asked me if its in my truck, and that I should get dressed, go outside and check my truck right away. No mom, I didnt check the most obvious places first.(meanwhile, at that point I haddn’t checked my truck..but my mom doesnt read my blogs, neither does her puerto rican boyfriend or retarded dog..so Im safe.) Its been about 3 days now without a phone and my life couldnt be more simple. The joy of listening to music without thinking that some instrument in one of the songs may be my phone ringing is a releif. I think every person in NYC should leave their phones home for a day and get back to reality of what life used to and should be like. Without a phone or a stupid BlueTooth strapped to your ear which makes you look like a complete TOOL/ASSHOLE. talk to you fucks later. Kursh

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Fucl<ing LOVE comedy

February 22, 2010

I really never realized how much I love stand-up comedy.  The smell of the shit holes I’ve performed at…the comradery between fellow comedians grinding it out every night trying to make something of themselves.  I may be in a different situation than many comedians trying to do the “perfect set.”  I’ve been blessed with a great job which lets me treat comedy with a more casual approach.  I can go a month without doing a set, and not lose money because I have a great career outside of comedy.  It’s because of this which makes me realize that comedy has a tight pedophile like strangle hold on my balls and will NEVER let go.  I find myself driving out to the city by myself  just to do a 5 minute set that I HAVE TO PAY FOR!  Its everything that surrounds the whole comedy scene.  I love sitting in dingy basements watching fellow comedians pouring theyre hearts out on stage just to get a “he eh,” which is a very small acknowledgement from another comedian when a joke is somewhat funny.    Theres nothing better than the feeling right before you go on.  As long as you do well, the rest of the night is great.  On the contrary, when I feel I did shitty…its a whole different world.  You need to have a few good sets under your belt to truley know if you’ve done a shitty job.  Reason being; you get a strange blank stare from the producer or fellow comedians.  If they dont actually say, “great set man” then you know you just tanked the shit out of that place.  If a producer doesnt ask you do to another show within the next month or so……there you go…you did shitty.  Thats all part of the stigma stand-up comedy has to offer.  Its not all about geting up there and making people laugh.  Its everything else around it.  Its the drive to the club drinking a beer thinking about what set you’ll be using that night.  Its the new joke at an open mic that already worked on the fat italian guy at work which you know wasn’t a credible source.   For the record, I try not to use many cliche’s or use any Hacky material.   I stay true to myself, and sometimes mix in a little imaginiation/fiction.  And your damn right I like getting credit when its due.  Reassurance is what we live for…..if it werent for feedback there would be no such thing as stand-up comedy.

Next month I’l be “trying out,” for Last Comic Standing 7.  The reason I quote Trying out is because if you didnt realize it by now its not really a true audition.  These network execs already know who will be making it though to the show.   The reason for me trying out is not with hopes to be on the show (which would be a shock and a 1000 to 1 odds) but more as a night hanging out with over 500 other comedians, some with the same drive as many of us NYC comedians.  Im not taking this audition too seriously or too lightly.  Im just gonna show up, hang out with some friends, and do the best 2 minutes that I think I have in me (drunk).

This Comedy Stuff

January 28, 2010

Had a decent show last night aside from using the word  FUCK a few too many times.  Heres a short clip from last nights show.

Last nights’ show was at The Looney Bin in Staten Island, and tonight I have to go back on to that shitty Island to do a show in Port Richmond which is the equivelent little Mexico.  Unfortunately I do not know too much spanish but I know enough to get by without being sliced by an essay.  Had a good time last night, few people from high school showed up and gave Kursh some support along with some of my friends and the fiance.  I really dont have much shit to write about right now…. I just dont want to forget that Im doing a blog and I’d like to try to keep up with it on a weekly basis at least.  Not that I have any “fans,” but if I someday do have fans, I think it would be pretty cool for them to be able to read this crap and say to themselves “WOW, he really really sucked in 2010…theres still hope for me!”

Peace for now everyone .

Kursh

Open mic Vs. Comedian “Showcase”

January 25, 2010

Lets just face it, the word “open-mic comedy” is just another word for “get paying customers to buy a 2 drink minimum and maybe 1 or 2 of the comedians friends.”  I’m not sure why I put quotation marks there, but I felt that they needed to be there.  I’m going to get into the true meaning of the word “open mic” and “showcase/bringer” in just a little bit.  First, I’d like to let everyone know that I decided to write this blog because you never know what can happen to a person (ME) career wise and this will act as sort of a testiment to my comedy “career.”  The reason I say career the way I do is because as much as I love comedy, it is not my career.  I would never ever be able to live off of the $50 a month I make doing stand-up.  Im sort of getting side tracked away from the topic; the reason I’m writing this blog.  I have a dilemma on my hands each Wednesday night.  Theres an open mic in the City called “Motel Wednesdays” which is run by a fine gentleman Steve Rosso.  The open mic show is based in a small Basement of a bar called The Village Lantern.  The reason why I enjoy this open mic over any other open mic is because the five bucks each comedian has to pay gets given back to 2 winners at the end of each show.  A good friend of mine Hassan Madry introduced me to this show a few years ago.  Hassan is a comedian from Staten Island who I booked on my 1st ever show in Staten Island.  He sort of showed me some of the ropes in the comedy world.  He, along with some of the other regulars at this open mic are a staple at the village lantern.  Some comedians who’s names pop out at me (mostly for a good reason) aside from Hassan are Ray Combs, Hillary Schwartz, Dan Curry, Luke Cunningham, Matt Maragno,Dan Shaki, Dan St. Germain,  AAlap patel, and Elon James.  Any comedian who is mentioned in another comedians’ blog should feel a small feeling of encouragement (I know I would).  Back to explaining the difference between a Real show and a bringer/showcase show.  A showcase is very similar to a “bringer” show without using the word “bringer.”  The owner of the club, or promoter expects the comedian to bring at least 4 or 5 paying customers to the club.   Showcase/bringer shows usually consist of 4,000 comedians who get 5-8 minutes of time.  Actually, most of these shows have about 8-12 comedians who are expected to bring about 4-5 paying customers.  If you dot the math we’re looking at about 60 paying customers who are paying $5 each to get in and then a 2 drink minimum.   So if we sat here and did some math, we’re looking at $300 in door money (which the promoter gets)  and approx $900.00 in drinks as per the 2 drink minimum.  I’m not knocking open mics or bringer shows because I’ve done and still DO them.  I just want fresh comedians to understand the difference between these terms.  Put it this way;  when you get  a call from a producer or promoter or club owner and they ask you if you are free to headline their show, then you’ve come to a point in your career where you can probably stop doing these types of show.  Until then, don’t let the word “bringer” discourage you.  You can Do bringer and open mics and still get productive feedback from other comedians and audience members after the show.  Dont get me wrong, but if your cousin comes up to you after the show and says you’re the best DONT believe him.  On the contrary, if an audience member approaches you and says they were scared to take a sip of they’re drink because you were constantly making them laugh….thats a good thing, but don’t get cocky because 1 person thinks your funny.  One day it will all just make sense and you’ll know the difference between FUNNY and HACKY.  Im not sure how much I stayed on the topic at hand but I hope I’ve helped someone out there reading this crap.

Hi, Im John Kurschner…Stand-Up comedian.

January 19, 2010

               Hey everyone who will eventually read this crap I’m about to write.  Im John Kurschner.  You may know me from the TV appearances I’ve never done.  Or, perhaps from my comedy central presents special I never did (YET).  Eventually, if I keep on getting better, I may end up on REAL TV as opposed to the Staten Island Comedy Show I’ll be doing next month that 20 people will watch because they’re drunk and high.  I always read blogs from fellow comedians so I guess I’m going to start writing blogs.  Im not even sure who will read this or what the word BLOG means.  All I know is that doing a blog will make me more Googleable so in turn I will contribute to the Comedian online community and rant about shit that most people dont care about.  Im in the process of booking 5 shows in the next two months, which is a lot of stand-up for me in that period of time.  I’m used to sitting on my ass and doing work when I felt like it, but I have to strike while the irons hot.  My brain juices are flowing and in the comedy world, you have to take advantage of the ideas that pop into your head on a daily basis.  Sometimes I’ll go weeks without thinking of anything funny enough to make it to the stage, but for some reason…..the more I go back to Staten Island the more material I gather.  The idiots that dwell the Island I spent 27 years of my life on supply me with the retarded insight I bring to the stage.  I’m going to leave for now, and if I remember I registered for this blog then maybe I’ll continue to write blogs. 

I have a show next wednesday, Jan 27th @ 830pm  at The Looney Bin Staten Island.

Hopefully I’ll be at the Village Lantern this wed night (1/20) at 845 (open mic)

Also At Village Lantern Feb 3…same time as above..or I could’ve typed 845 since it would have been less words than what I’ve just typed.

Feb 26th I’ll be taping a tv show for SI cable called “The Staten Island Comedy Show,” fimed somewhere on Staten Island.

March 20th 1030pm at Alor Cafe, 2110 Richmond Road, SINY 10306

Hello world!

January 18, 2010

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